Thursday, July 03, 2008

America's # 1 Killer: Chocolate Cake

America, nay, The World is under a threat bigger than terrorism, war, global warming, AIDS, and BPA leaching from Nalgene bottles. The biggest threat to mankind is chocolate cake. Every year more citizens of this world fall victim to its yummy, decadent succulence. We've always known that heart disease, obesity, and type II diabetes together account for more American deaths than all other ailments combined. But we're now seeing the sinfully delicious killer strike more and more of the most vulnerable youths and elderly in places as far away as Holland, Bavaria, Oompa Loompa Land, and China.

My friend, Todd, chooses to ignore the peril of chocolate cake. He believes free will allows us to choose between eating the cake or ignoring its lascivious allure. Don't listen to people like him. Their fallacious spin doctoring is mere argumentum ad ignorantiam and they will try to confuse you by appealing to your lust rather than your sensibilities. Don't be ignorant to this man-made travesty. End this arteriosclerotic menace before it strikes you and the people you love.


Bob Mardock said...

God gave us free choice. We can choose to live, or choose to die. What can I say? We live in a sinful world.

Andrew & Joanne said...

Not to be selfish, but, I hate cake - so I'm not too worried... Unless, of course, it's cheese cake. Hmmm... Death by cheese cake - just doesn't have the same ring.

Andrew & Joanne said...

Rob, I'm going to have to re-read this blog with a dictionary in hand. Seems to me, you've been listening to too much NPR and cataloging their "word of the day".

Miss you!

PS- I'm with Andy, not too much of a cake eater. :)